Helping Kids Handle Terrible Events in the News: 15 Top Tips for Fostering Children’s Resiliency in Times of Trouble
Children’s natural worries can intensify when they hear about terrorism, floods, diseases, fires, and other disturbing events. The recent deadly shootings in Montreal and Ottawa—two places usually considered safe—remind us of the importance of helping kids cope through troubling times.
Times of trouble provide opportunities for parents to help their children learn how to manage their feelings, confront challenges, and acquire resilience. By providing a safe environment, and being calm and attentive—and seeking professional help when it’s needed—parents can alleviate the fear, dismay, or confusion children often experience during chaotic times, as well as helping them develop coping skills that will serve them well going forward.
Parents shouldn’t dismiss a child’s desire to learn about what’s happening, no matter how troubling the circumstances are. Instead, they should listen carefully, acknowledge the fears as valid, and offer support in discovering more about the situation, its possible causes, and what’s being done to prevent recurrences.
Adults who listen actively to their kids, and provide a safe and dependable environment for them, are on track to supporting emotional well-being during troubling times. Regardless of a child’s age, temperament, ability, situation, or concerns, adults can work effectively to soothe worries that would otherwise cause deeper distress.
Following the same principle as the airlines’ instructions to fix your own oxygen mask before adjusting a child’s, parents have to wrestle with their own anxieties and emotional responses to adversity before they can address their child’s. This means developing effective coping strategies for themselves. It also helps to communicate regularly with others in children’s lives, such as grandparents and teachers. If a child perceives that the adults in her life are upset, distracted, condescending, or harried, she may be more worried.
Children and teens who observe their parents coping well, and who learn how to deal with fears or address the problems of others, are better able to move on. They’re also acquiring skills that will make them more resilient the next time adversity strikes.
Here are some practical suggestions for adults to help kids manage their concerns in times of trouble. It applies to children of all ages, from toddlerhood through adolescence. There are three sections: the first is about being a good model, especially during challenging times; the second provides strategies for offering reassurance; and the third is about supporting your child in taking action.
Model Effective Coping Skills
Reassure:
Support Your Child in Taking Action:
Although parents can’t shelter their children from all adversity, they can help their kids learn about imbalances in the world, and find meaningful ways to create fulfilling balances of their own.
For more reassuring ideas and recommendations from Dona Matthews and Joanne Foster, see their recent book, Beyond Intelligence: Secrets for Raising Happily Productive Kids, and check out their website: www.beyondintelligence.net
Other good resources include
The Fear Fix, by Sarah Chana Radcliffe
Roots of Action, by Marilyn Price-Mitchell
Connect Four Parenting, by Andrea Nair
Meltdowns to Mastery, by Susan Craig
Note: We hope this article will help families and educators coping with difficult times, including acts of nature, epidemics, violence, or other disturbing events. First published at www.sengifted.org, it has been reprinted in newsletters and journals around the world. We updated it in November, 2012, when Hurricane Sandy struck, and then again in response to the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School. This is a newly revised version of the article.
